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Fear of Fading

by The Livid

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1.
The Day I Understood 03:51
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So far I stand, looking closely again It's loose but solid, so clean and tarnished So lost again, a map in my hand So full and empty, with so little but plenty At times we get so lost and devastated Our paths are vague but still so regulated At times we feel so tired of trying to try Wishing we could change all the things that make us Cry, I won't try to wash these tears out from my Eyes, I won't try, 'cause they're the kind that never Dry, they collide with everything I've ever tried to hide And keep inside Above, I'm sitting, so loose but fitting I'm starved by eating, so cured by bleeding My gut is misled from all the pictures I've read My memory's dead but you remain in my head Now I'm sealed but leaking So silently speaking; now I understand I've confused my reading A door closed but open Brand spanking new and broken So belligerent and strident But I haven't even spoken
2.
Broke and Crossed 04:07
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"It's too late to call", Said the blue knight who keeps watch beside my wall You said the sadness became small You've grown immune and told yourself you wouldn't fall Convincing me seems to me So important when it shouldn't be When you deceive you only free The part that keeps you as a part of me But now I'm shocked and my pride's been mocked, and You're pushing needles through my skin In dreams I've walked in where the gun is cocked, and I see the chamber takes a spin 'Cause the pain is sinking in And I'm rarely lost But rather broke and crossed Let me out, pull me in Before my head caves in My heart's been tossed And now my pain's embossed Pick me up, pull me down Until I reach the ground It's too hot inside As I reach out to my left, turn on my fan and sigh I try again to close my eyes "I'll be okay" – I simply add to endless lies Reminding me of what I've wasted Hurts me more than being hated 'Cause now my soul's become shaded And now my heart is coiled and braided I hope to heal in time I hope to clear my mind I'll wash you down with time Till I heal and feel fine
3.
Foreseen 04:48
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Sure is tight in my throat; I haven't flipped the boat Sometimes I cry so much it makes me wanna scream Tied tightly to the tee Slowly pushing at the seams I should have had other dreams But it's this that makes me so unique Foresee The situations leading them to asking me Foresee That what I need may never be a part of me Can I take Can't you see your apathy is killing me And my dream Growing sick has become so hard I must say that I'm growing too old to see Lost in my zone – no reflection to see or even call my own I must say that I'm growing too old to see Climbing up the slope; I can't reach the rope Sometimes it feels like there's no-one on my team Tied tightly to the tee Slowly pushing at the seams I should have had all the dreams But there's nothing left inside of me Old And I know it'll all be the same I'll cry till it drives me insane I will always be the same Alone in my own hall of fame I cry; can't get rid of this pain It's more like my own hall of shame Look into the mirror and see My reflection's but a ghost of me Slowly looking back at me Asking me in two years where I'll be Sadly lowering my eyes I continue in disguise Until this dream that's make believe Makes me huddle up alone and cold and dry
4.
Watch It Die 04:20
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Once again, you say I'm mocking Pardon me but I'm merely talking Close my eyes and count the sheep Lying here where I'm sure to weep But there's something deep inside that Makes me wanna think, am I really the weakest link? There's something in your eyes that seems to let me know You know a lot more than you wanna show But deep inside I'm breaking down I can't take it when you're not around Makes me sick when you tell a lie Causing shit as you watch it die All is stolen, even my own folks are leaving Not a sound – looks like there's no-one else around Not a spoken reason, it's not myself I'm pleasing Look around – seems happiness just can't be found Here again I've trouble walking Head down – the laughter is mocking In this hole I feel the heat In a place where I'll always weep But there's something in the sky that Makes me wanna drink to the point where I cannot think Something in my mind that seems to let me know There's only one place where I'm meant to go I'm still crying in my bed at night Why do I bother putting up a fight? Should I crawl into a corner And let myself explode? Should I even try to make believe I have dreams that I can still achieve? Should I just sit tight and watch it die Ascending to the sky? Let myself explode
5.
Clear Me 04:21
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Can't clear my head It's 7:56 in the AM Self-pity is all I've read Sitting feeling sorrow till I wish I'm dead Never occurred to me My problems were the only ones that I would see So please forgive me 'Cause what you've lost in life is worse than any of my dreams At least I can say The ones I love are still here to love me I know I would break If I had to be convinced they were above me So far, I must say I've been fortunate and lucky And I hope to God one day You will feel the same And I hope you know you're not the one to blame Can't get out of bed Emotions are the reasons I have bled I look to you, my friend And know that I should be thankful in the end I didn't want to see My sadness filtered everything so selfishly But now I really see That losing them would be losing a part of me Now I've found something else To make me feel fine What I've found builds and heals In very short time We replace what's been lost But never this kind If you search hard enough You'll gain a clear mind
6.
Step Up 04:28
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Maybe when you get back on the ground and your head stops floating You will realize, take a look around and you'll see what's been forming Maybe when you get back on the ground you'll see it before me Turn it inside out and upside down you'll see what's been forming Now, will you break down? Will you break now, or will you step up to me and fight? Now, will you shut down? Will you break now, or will you turn your back on me and lie? Hold the world upon my shoulder Let it slide, let it slide Hold your head up and start it over Let it slide, let it slide We're not covering up a crime We're not saying that we're divine We're not wasting any time Why don't you just go back in time? The skin beneath shines through As you slowly deceive the ones around Holding tightly Only what you will keep to yourself Hold it tightly, only what you will Unwound completely, nothing left to steal Step up slowly, only if you will Keep to yourself Let you know that you can...
7.
Egzit 04:10
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I've been yearning for quite some time to make this mine Ninety-five percent of times I've been right between the lines Pessimistic ways may be so close to right Something deep within me makes me wanna fight To speak of this makes tears run down my eyes I'm scared like you, cause I'm the only one who tries I'm growing sick – tired of these endless nights I look to them and say I'm doing just fine in my room, feeling this wound But this I'll take with me to my tomb I don't understand what I do with these hands They just sit there and stare and shatter my plans I've been having no sleep, it seems like endless nights If it happens one more time, in her I will confide I'm about to crack without a sound – I think I'm breaking down Feeling so alone, spending too much time on my own Facing my own skin has been so hard to bear To face what's deep within begins to make me scared I'm doing just fine
8.
Live to Imitate 03:34
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Live to imitate and fake to break The door that lies between both genres Saying it's all the same... Somebody better stop me before I delete you Before the bullet accidentally meets you You think you control all you see Strangle hold around me Prove you wrong, yes you'll see Stretch and get down I'll shoot you down, I will now I'll shoot you down... Counting down from seven – a shotgun heaven Lyrically inclined and set out to blow your mind I love the way you imitate The way you hide your face The way you think you have it all But really it ain't the case I see you from the inside Through the mask you wear – all you wanna hide All I see through what I learn Live by what I earn All I see through what I learn The colours that we burn All I see through what I learn Coming round, freaking out Till you finally get it all complete Till all you speak is bullshit to the weak
9.
Reach 03:21
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I'm falling out of line – I take what's in my mind I inflict it on my so-called peers and watch them cry Wasting all my time in a place I'll never find It seems so strange and so unfamiliar It's like I'm driving while I'm running out of gas 'Cause I'm too ignorant and dumb to make it last You say I'm free, but there's nothing in me but I... Can't explain, but it's what's left deep inside repeating One chance, one life to reach this Still in pain and you're the one who maims and feeds my bleeding One chance, one life to reach this Still a step behind – why must I be so kind I worry about these stupid things that aren't mine Building up a shrine of words that never rhyme or Seem so vague and so poorly filtered
10.
The Neural Is Me 04:52
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Try to find me, unconscious eyes within Breaking the spell, pulling through again All is lost, none is left, we're all animal Commenting down, looking up again Sky blue wall, pulling through within None is lost, all is left As you drop, you'll be coming to see who's staying now Trusting without believing sounds strange Lies live, never washed away This illusion's killing me Clear my head of all I see Where I am, I'm lost in my own world I've come prepared... am I really? Head in hands, talk to me Falling, feed me my remedy Second stage, pull me down and win No sleep now, out to defend the land Change it out, the words you see Will seem so frustrating Let live all that's meant to be Break the spell, curse the land and lead Black and white oppose the light Face the facts and see that's not happening You used to graze the top But as you drop you'll be saying now: "He did it all for the silence... did it all for the daze... Did it all for the silence... "Something living, breathing, telling me things Something livid, breathing, acting my thoughts My mind is lost with no direction... My mind is lost with no direction, I'm gone..."

about

[Exact release date unknown; some time in 2002, possibly fall. Bandcamp requires month and day.]

[There was a reissue in late 2007. The original artwork files were lost, so the artwork was recreated from scans in November of that year. Those files still exist, and the included artwork in this Bandcamp release is based on those, with some small tidyups.]

credits

released January 1, 2002

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The Livid Mississauga, Ontario

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