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The Ambition Within

by The Livid

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1.
2.
Test Run 03:45
Let's start with me Write a list, pick out everything Underline all my fine points While still treating this like a disease Can't you see this is part of me It's everything that you want to be So stay with me, stick through everything And then you'll see it's all that you thought it would be This is only a test run Just look around: you'll see nothing has changed This has not even begun The way you're acting is simply insane Let's start with you Here's my list – wouldn't change a thing Tried defining my fine points To become what you want me to be I can't believe you could look at me And find a way to destroy my dream It's hard to see when you're in front of me So take a leave and watch this be all this can be So please stay 'Cause I know that you need me And you'll follow me into the fame So I hope you can trust me And do your best not to put out the flame 'Cause this isn't about me It's about what I want us to gain 'Cause you know you're the only And I promise that will never change
3.
I Could Fall 03:33
Tired of myself Sheets over my eyes Tired of this mess Ideas come but Nothing seems to stick with me It's hard, you see Building, pulling All these strings are tied by me Tied right to me Can't believe that this is me Everything is falling through The way they do If I failed to be like you What would I become, what would I become? If there's one thing I can do Consider it done, consider it done Ambition is thin Tired of this fight I'm losing my mind Struggling to break through And ideas come but I could fall – pick myself up Let it go – burning through my life Fuck it up – turn the lights out Let me be – let me feel so weak But strong enough to rely on You're there for me, I'll be there for you To get you through while you fight on To anchor me – do it all for me Ambition is thin Wish I had your blood under my skin Ambition is thin
4.
Release 03:36
Don't leave me here, locked in this cold cell It feeds my fear and it doesn't feel too well It pulls me apart while it makes my pain swell It beats down on me and throws me to the edge Where I fell down and landed on the ground beside you You've gotta roll over Head off my shoulder Gotta start over Release Don't shed a tear; turn my life to hell Don't let your anger stir or let your bitterness repel It rips through my heart where my emotions still dwell It beats down on me and throws me to the ledge Where I stopped, 'cause I knew that I would never jump off with you You didn't want to make it last You thought it would never surpass The only dream I wish I had So you chose just to let me collapse I'll pick it up and try again While removing this blade from my back I won't forget – I wish I could let it go
5.
Sink 03:50
Walking away makes me feel much better About my mistakes, it makes me feel so clever Watching this break, what would it take For you to look into my eyes I'll wake you up when it's all over Keep a straight face, pretend I'm sober Pretend I'm fine – I'm out of my mind I'll pick you up when you fall over Being your crutch I'll be your motor I'll push you forward I'll stay here Lost in this ocean Without you I can't swim And the water makes my head spin And sink Talking this way makes you look much better Efforts so fake, you make me wait for ever Saying what you say, the words you play Contribute to your stream of lies
6.
Shaded 03:59
Taking time to figure out To figure out what's running through your head Everything you said, everything you did What really got to me I'll never forget What it is that broke me And pulled me down and watched me bleed Wasting time neglecting doubt My stomach stops to hear my heart shout To hear my thoughts out, to ease my pain I'm sick of telling this old tale To any ear that's open I'd tell it all to you again But I've already spoken And I don't know how You can say it's overrated I'm so frustrated And I can't stand how You make me feel my life's been wasted My faith is shaded Waking up and handing out Handing out a welcoming To everything you were, to everything you prefer What really hurt the most were the Secrets that you kept beneath your skin What they were, I never knew Till the day they made me plead Breaking all respect without Explaining what you're really about To let your thoughts out, to ease my pain I'm sick of feeling that I've failed The course that never opened You're choosing to be crawling through When you know you should be walking Bleed When it hurts When it rips my heart in two When it hurts because
7.
At the Seams 03:11
Your anger is subsiding You're itching and you're bitching While complaining about nothing But everything and anything You're calling me heartless Regardless of the things I've said You're making my stomach ache To see you makes my body shake You're wasting all this time to see me fade Don't hold back now – keep criticizing every word I say Breaking me apart, piece by piece Don't hold back – now you're making me feel better Rip through my heart, rip me at the seams Don't hold back now You're learning, still searching You're working on putting off The hurting concerning Yourself and me and all I see You're calling me selfish Subdued by your own self defense You're caving now you're faint and thin Believing me is not a sin Ripping me at the seams
8.
Part of You 03:55
One more time it's slipping through your fingers And no longer within your reach You waste your time on anyone who listens to you You cry on every shoulder First in line to every disappointment It's so sad it affects your speech But don't decline it's simply part of growing One day you'll learn to Find a way to try and stick with this Don't lose it – clench it with your fist Bring it with you You don't have to use it but please don't lose it One more time you're sorting through your options But your limits are all you see So take your time – this isn't going anywhere You'll see it grows with patience in you Will let you get to sleep the night through Don't let it make you toss and turn if You have to let it go One day you'll learn to It's pushing you back Don't ever give up your hope Try not to react Opinions are on their own You cry on every shoulder One day you will learn to
9.
The Tide 04:00
Move on Free me from this life that I've thrown away I'm torn In between what I want and what's best for me I'm lost In this dream that no longer exists for me And I can leave But this place Will remain in my mind for ever till I Break from these chains Take away this feeling Lost without a clue when I'm well aware In circles Running round in search of a better me And I can leave Nothing can keep this from burning out and fading away And I can leave
10.
Reckless 04:09
Take a moment to look back where it started When everything you take for granted Is everything that keeps you stranded here Take a moment to look back where it fell through When it was not so scary Just temporary Now that's over Now everything you ever wanted has been pushed aside You're face down – broken glass Waiting for this time to pass Reckless and underclassed Hoping this will never last Feeling dormant, struggling inch by inch Breaking open; watch me give in again See the cut up hands of this broken man Weighing me down, but Weakened knees; I'm trembling Pushed aside; I'm failing Wipe this sweat from my brow I'm still waiting here Searching for this place
11.
In Circles 04:16
Hanging by the same mistakes Waiting for the cord to break Trying to find a better way Than living life from day to day We get so tired And emotionally out of shape We get so drained From sunny days spent in the rain I watch you make like it's all worth it When inside I know that you're still searching You have to wait – wait for someone special To relate 'cause that's the part you're still without Open eyed and wide awake How much difference does it make Side by side or hand in hand If you're never meant to take a stand I hate to watch you stray And slip away from better days It hurts me deeply so To watch your heart pretend to grow I'm tired of helping you get through this You're giving up – collapsing at the surface You're caving inside out

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released September 24, 2004

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The Livid Mississauga, Ontario

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